Big Sis, I know that you are aware that I have been recently laid off and unemployed for the past 4 months. I am not regimentally getting up at 5:00 a.m. anymore so that I can get all "stressed out" rushing to fight the traffic for an hour commute. I also do not have to put up with all of the irate "crazies" at the last place of my employment in the high-stressed position that I held for the past 3 years. I really should be doing a "Happy Dance" about all of this wonderful new freedom that has been bestowed upon me due to "budget cuts" but don't get me wrong, although I do enjoy the schedule of "not having a schedule" to maintain for the time being to catch my breath, I completely feel like a "fish out of water." A job certainly should never define who you are but when you are working you feel "purposeful" and "useful."
I am struggling to find not only a new "less stressful" position but I'm also trying to create ways of feeling useful in the interim. I finally got up enough courage to attend "Celebrate Recovery" last Monday night for the first time at a new church just down the street. It was extremely difficult for me to walk through the door and I mean, literally. I went to at least 6 different locked entrances before I found the right place. The kindly gentlemen who greeted me said, "The hardest part is coming through the door" and I replied, "That is the absolute truth!" I felt very apprehensive but equally glad that I was attending even though it was just for my orientation.
Celebrate Recovery is not just for people with "Alcohol or Drug Addictions." It is also for "People with Hurts, Hang-ups and Bad Habits." It is for Betrayal (Infidelity), Food Related Issues and Sexual Addiction, as well. I suffer tremendously from fear and anxiety from so many losses in my life plus other issues. Sometimes, the fear is overwhelming, terrifying, tormenting and paralyzing. I genuinely pray that I can overcome this behavior and celebrate God's healing power in my life through the eight recovery principles found in the Beatitudes and Christ-centered 12 steps.
Below is a reference link to find a "Celebrate Recovery" program in your location:
www.saddleback.com/lakeforest/carehelp/celebraterecovery/
Next Monday night will be the real test. I hope I have the courage and strength to commit to this program. I pray and feel very hopeful that I will be able to share some of my deepest feelings, thoughts, hurts, hang-ups and bad habits that sometimes prevent me from experiencing a "joyful life" in the present. I did discover that I really do enjoy being around caring, loving and compassionate people who share similar struggles. The complete isolation I have felt over the past 4 months has been almost unbearable. It was very encouraging and warm to receive so many open arms with embracing hugs....the human touch is mighty powerful and healing in itself! It really gave me hope and made me feel like everything was going to be alright, if I just trust in the Lord... attend and commit to the Celebrate Recovery program. I will keep you posted with my progress....I am so deeply grateful that you suggested this program to me....Hugs!
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