Celebrate Recovery - 30 Days

Big Sis, last night I attended my 4th week of Celebrate Recovery and received my 30 day Recovery Chip for attendance. The weather out here in Texas had turned bitterly cold and I had almost talked myself out of going to the meeting like I always do every Monday night but 15 minutes before the class started, I was on my way there. My biggest struggle is with depression, anxiety and fear due to multiple losses so I really have to push myself and just go and do it afraid... As the meeting began with prayer, we were treated to live music this time. I could really sense the presence of God there as we all sang praise and surrender songs to the Lord to help us heal. If I had stayed home I would have greatly missed an opportunity to witness yet another moving, inspirational testimony of brokenness which led to victory by one of the leaders who gave her testimony back in 2008. She felt compelled to tell her story again which gave all the newcomers a real sense of hope. As she courageously and bravely bore her soul, there was not a dry eye in the audience. She ended her testimony by saying that she will always be a work in progress and expressed how truly blessed she is to be loved and accepted by her Celebrate Recovery family.

We were then dismissed and asked to attend our individual meetings. I am in a group called Hurts, Hang-ups and Habits. We are seated in a circular formation and we first begin with prayer. We introduce ourselves, express that we are Great Believers in Jesus Christ and then briefly state why we are there. We go around the room again, one by one to discuss what we are feeling. Some of the women had victories to share. Others discussed how there week had been going.

When it came to my turn, I did not realize the magnitude of my hurt, pain and fear that was welling up inside of me. Earlier that morning, I had went to my daughter's Dermatologist appointment for a biopsy of a mole on her neck that looked suspicious. It was on her lymph node and her lymph node was swollen. She seemed to be doing fine but I was not. She was seated in a chair that resembled a similar chair that my youngest brother sat in many times at the ENT Oncologist when the doctor repeatedly kept saying the word, malignant. I was silently panicking until my daughter asked me to go and wait in the lobby. She had sensed my anxiety. I was having flashbacks of my little brother dying and I was praying for my daughter's biopsy to come back normal.

I also had been dealing with a very serious issue for the past week with my youngest son where I was terrified with his health as well but he is finally on the road to recovery after 6 long years of depression. My oldest sister is a diabetic fighting for her life and is on dialysis 3 times a week. My father is going to be 87 in March. In a nut shell, I literally was just feeling so overwhelmed with emotions that I totally just sobbed in class and after class. I was like a walking volcano that finally erupted. I told my group that it is difficult for me to believe that God only gives you what you can handle because I was questioning that. I have to learn that I am not in control of these issues, that God is in control. I finally memorized this scripture to repeat over and over: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, acknowledge him in all your ways and he shall direct your paths." (Proverbs 3:5)

After our class, I had a new girl approach me and she thanked me for what I had shared in class. She said it really helped her because she had similar issues. I was totally amazed and grateful for her comment.

I also feel so blessed to be a part of the Celebrate Recovery family...they are so loving, caring and supportive. After class we have fellowship where we can get feedback and lots of hugs. That's the part I look forward to....

I still have a long, long way to go but with the Grace of God...I hope and pray that I will get there someday....Little Sis