Shall We Dance?

To Tara and Bubba-

Some time ago, my husband and I suddenly lost an elderly friend who had been married for over 50 years. It started us thinking about what our life would be like without each other. We had some heartfelt discussions as we expressed how difficult our life would be without each other and what a lonely road we would have to travel.

I thought about all the many memories we have together that only he and I have experienced. And if I were alone, there would be no one to reminisce those unique memories.

It wasn't long after that heartfelt discussion that I saw a movie which contained a scene which exactly expressed my thoughts. The scene is from the movie “Shall We Dance” with Richard Gere and Susan Sarandon. The scene shows the character Beverly Clark, played by Susan Sarandon, is asked why she thinks people get married. Her answer brings a new awareness of the meaning it is to have a life partner.

"Why do people get married?

...because we need a witness to our lives. There’s a billion people on the planet you know. What does any one life really mean?

But in a marriage—you are promising to care about EVERYTHING-

The good things

The bad things

The terrible things

The mundane things

…All of it

All the time…everyday. You are saying, your life will not go un-noticed, because I will notice it.  Your life will not go unwitnessed—because I WILL BE YOUR WITNESS”.

Love is A Verb

February 27, 1965

It has been many years since I walked down the aisle with my husband, in fact, we just celebrated our 46 year anniversary! How do you assess all those years in a few words?...an impossible task!

We realize we are a rarity in this day and age and we often feel the pressure to be an example to younger couples. Last year we went to a Couples Retreat and spent the weekend with all younger couples. Even the Retreat's Speaker asked us "why are you here"? He assumed that we must hold the secret for an enduring marriage and that we didn't need any further instruction. A few couples at the Couple's Retreat approached us and asked us our "secret", I wish I had been more prepared with an answer.

But since last year, I've been doing some deeper thinking on how I would answer these young couples. God's Grace has been the cement that has held us together, many times when we wanted to pull apart. His Grace is expressed as we are learning to use Love as a Verb. Below is a wonderful portion of a devotional I read from Jill Savage's Online Devotional, "Love is a Verb". If I could share the secret of the endurance of  marriage, and for that matter, any relationship, I would share it with Jill's words below.

Immature love is a noun. A thing we long for. A feeling. An expectation of what someone will do for us.
Mature love is verb. An action we take. A decision. A choice to do something for someone else.

• Love as a noun feels despair when you no longer feel “in love” with the person you are married to. Love as a verb understands the ebb and flow of feelings. It focuses more on expressing love than feeling love.
• Love as a noun demands its own way. Love as a verb works to understand differences and is open to new ways of doing things.
• Love as a noun finds faults in others. Love as a verb gives grace and forgiveness.
• Love as a noun expects others to serve them. Love as a verb serves freely.
• Love as a noun expects to always feel warm and fuzzy and “in love.” Love as a verb realizes that often we have to choose to love even when we don’t feel like it.

http://jillsavage.com/