The Plaque

Dear Little Sis,
As I think about this time of the year and all the gifts that are received, I thought I'd share with you a story about a gift I received many years ago. It is one of my prized possessions.

 *  *  *

The children filed out of the classroom one and two at a time, the parents were standing at the door, another morning of teaching Children’s Church had come and gone. This Sunday, I felt a sense of disappointment. The class hadn’t gone as planned. The children weren’t misbehaving, but they seemed a little preoccupied. I didn’t feel like I had got the main point of the lesson across and it hadn’t gone smoothly. I had forgotten to say things I wanted, I seemed to be stumbling for words, and my multi-media presentation had fell flat.

 I said my goodbyes to the children, complimented them on their hard work and gave out a few hugs. I then took mental inventory of my class preparation and thought I could have spent a little bit more time on it. What was the point of my lesson? I wasn’t sure if I had one. I concluded that I would do better next time.

When I got in my car, my husband asked, as he always did, how the class went. I answered with, “not very well”. He could tell I was feeling a little discouraged, so he gave me a good pep talk and we headed for home.

While on the road, my mind wandered to Sunday School Teachers I had as a child (the days before Children’s Church). A name from the past immediately popped into my mind, Mrs. Beavers. She was a great teacher!...but why? I then realized that I couldn’t even remember one thing she had taught me. How good of a teacher could she have been if I didn’t remember anything? Oh, it must have been the plaque she gave me, that is still treasured in my home, that’s why I thought she was so great. But I couldn’t remember why I had gotten the plaque; did I win a contest or was I rewarded for my attendance? Maybe I memorized the most Bible verses. But nothing came to mind. What was it I did remember about her?  A HUG. Yes, one simple hug in a parking lot while standing next to my mom. There were not too many hugs given out in our home, but that one from Mrs. Beaver “squeezed the daylights” out of me. A hug that has lasted a lifetime and is still remembered when I look at the plaque given to me for some unknown reason.

It would be years later, as an adult, that my mother would share with me that Mrs. Beaver had all of her life been married to a non-Christian man, a man who lived a sinful lifestyle, a burden she carried to the end of her life. But this burden never stifled the love she had to share with others.

I reconsidered my morning, maybe this class hadn’t gone so bad, maybe a young heart was touched and love was given and received. Maybe the children wouldn’t remember the point of the lesson, but maybe they would remember the love.

 By the way, what does my treasured plaque say?”

 Only one life 'twill soon be past, only what’s done for Christ will last. "To me to live is Christ” Philippians 1:21

"So Much To Be Thankful For"

Dear Big Sis....

When I think of where I was a year ago, I am astonished at how much I have grown in my relationship with the Lord, my family and my entire outlook on life that has been totally revived because of an awesome, God-based program called "Celebrate Recovery." It is a recovery program based on eight principles from the Beatitudes...

When I began my journey, I was totally feeling isolated and so paralyzed with fear that I did not know exactly what was happening to me. I had experienced so many multiple losses that my grief was tremendously overwhelming. I felt like I was slipping into a very lonely state of seclusion. I went to the classes for about three months and thought maybe this program was not for me because the topics of conversation were hitting too close to home, making me feel very uncomfortable and anxious. I stopped going for a few months because I went on vacation but when I returned, I started feeling even worse by not attending the meetings.

Camp for a Lifetime

I was so thrilled when I got the Facebook message from my granddaughter on what a wonderful experience she had at Hume Lake Christian Camp. The money I had invested in paying for her week was definitely spiritual seed that had been watered. She truly met God there. It had always been my dream that one of my grandchildren would return to the same camp where I had experienced God in a real way.

Years have not dimmed the wonderful camp experiences from my memory. A girl I went to school with had invited me to go with her church camp at Hume Lake. We didn’t know each other that well and as I look back, I find it amazing that I went. Imbedded in my mind are the sounds of the clanging bell summoning us to the dining hall, the lake, the cute boys, sitting at a picnic table reading the Bible with my cabin mates, but most of all, my cabin counselor.

I don’t remember her name, her age, her facial features, or body type. All I remember is her light brown hair falling over the front of her face, covering it while she prayed. I had never heard someone pray as if they actually knew God. I don’t remember her words, only how they made me feel, as if God was present. It’s incredible that five days with someone can bring a lifetime impression that models your Christian Life, but this counselor did this and she never knew.

I can only imagine that one of the joys of heaven, where everything is revealed, will be when I will see her again. To recognize her, I’ll have to ask her to bow her head, have her hair fall around her face and then I’ll say, "Yes, it’s you, you impacted me my whole life to live for our Savior and walk in His ways!"

Mister- The Perfect Dog

Dear Little Sis, did I ever tell you about the time God gave me the "Perfect Dog"? It all began one day after a long time feeling that something was missing in my life...

"Do you mean it"?, I responded with a shocked and delighted expression on my face. I couldn't believe my husband finally said yes to having a small house dog. We had been Chocolate Lab Breeders for over 20 years and when our last male died unexpectedly, we decided to hang up our kennels boots and remain pet-free. After of couple of years, I was missing the warm fuzzy feeling when a canine friend lovingly gazes into your eyes. My life didn't seem complete. Our chocolate labs were working dogs, bred for hunting ducks and upland game, and always lived outside in a kennel. Having a dog inside the house was something that my husband never wanted, but now his heart was open to meeting my longings and wants and completing this missing part of my life, so out of the blue he announced that he would agree to have an inside dog. Now our life would be complete.

I decided that a Miniature Schnauzer would be the dog for us. My daughter had owned one years ago and I always admired their size, temperment and intellience. Early one morning we got a phone call from our son-in-law. He had heard about our interest in a dog from our grandchildren and he knew of an 7-year old dog that someone was getting rid off. I couldn't believe the timing of this call, just days after my husband had agreed to get a dog. Surely, God was opening a doggie door!

But, after a day's consideration, I decided that I didn't want such an old dog, over half of his life would be gone.  Shortly after this decision, my husband came home one afternoon and said he saw a Miniature Schnauzer down the street. We jumped into the car and at the owner's door we told him of the Mission we were on. He showed us his cute dog, although it looked a lot smaller than my daughter's dog. He told us of the breeder who actually lived in our small town. Again, I was thrilled as I sensed God was leading us the way. We called the breeder and made an appointment to come over that evening to look at a litter of pups.

When we drove up to the property, I could hear the barking of puppies and my anticipation grew. When we went into the backyard, 8 pairs of little eyes greeted us. They were really cute! I was a little taken back when the breeder told us that they were $600 a piece! That was twice a much as we had sold our Labs for one-tenth of the dog. I reflected that I shouldn't let money come in between me and happiness, so I asked her if we could see the parents. We walked to a different area of the property and were confronted with 2 of the smallest, mangiest, dirtiest, and ungroomed Schnauzers I had ever seen. I couldn't consider purchasing a puppy, especially at that price from someone who kept their animals in such shoddy condition. I heard the "doggie door" loudly slam shut.

I went home discouraged. I was confused but not undaunted. It was now late in the evening and I got on the Internet and began a search for Miniture Schnauzer breeders. I couldn't believe that I found an outstanding breeder within an hour of our home. I immediately called and talked to Donna who informed me that she did indeed had puppies, but they were show quality and sold for $1500. But she did have adults dogs, who she had retired from the show ring and would sale them only $300! She sent me a picture, I couldn't believe my eyes, here was my perfect dog, Mister.

The next day we met Mister and took him for a walk. He was as amazing as his picture. I couldn't believe she was selling him. She recommended that we take him for the weekend before purchasing. She also told us if we bought him she would retain his breeding rights, for he was considered about a $10,000 animal! I couldn't imajine why I would need any time to consider buying him for God had brought me the Perfect Dog, right?

My Brother, My Nephew, My Reunion

On July 7, 2011, I was so blessed to be able to see my nephew, Mike, whom I haven't seen in over 40 years...It was a dream come true reunion for me and my children. The last time I saw him was in California when he was 2 1/2 years old before his mother took him back to Texas where she filed for divorce from my oldest brother, Keith. Divorce is so extremely devastating for everyone involved and the heartbreak affects all family members, especially if they move several states away.

Seeing my nephew after all these years was very emotional and bittersweet. He turned out to be an outstanding, amazing, wonderful, kind, loving and caring man with so many more awesome qualities. I am so extremely proud of him and all of his accomplishments. He is a retired Coast Guard after 21 years of service and he continues to work hard for his loving family. I caught myself hugging him every chance I could get and just staring at him throughout the evening because he looked so much like my brother with his mannerisms and all but his demeanor was so gentle and sweet; so opposite of my wild, rebellious, older brother.

I briefly thought of my brother and the way in which he was raised by a father that was way too hard on him. I am ashamed to say that my father was not a "good father" or "role model" for my brother. My father was physically and emotionally abusive. Too many times my father would call my brother "worthless" and as he grew older, it hardened him, toughened him and he grew angry. So angry that he enlisted in the United States Army and volunteered to go to Viet Nam. There was no love lost between the two of them and they never once saw eye to eye on anything. The only time I ever saw a change in both of them was on my beloved mother's death bed. My oldest son who is a Pastor spoke to his grandfather about the importance of "forgiveness" and it was then, over 50 decades of my brother's life did I witness them "forgive" and begin to love one another, as they both embraced and wept.

My brother attempted to connect with his son on a few occasions but it was not meant to be. He wrote a final letter to his son while he was in a hospital in Arizona. He did not get a response but who could blame his son after a lifetime of disappointment. He never saw his son again and passed away on April 10, 2010 from lung cancer and kidney failure.

"Survivor's Guilt"

A few weeks ago I had a mammogram/sonogram scheduled and when a doctor in a long white coat walked in to explain that I needed to have a needle core biopsy, I nearly fainted while I was still lying on the table...Although the experience was undeniably frightening, I was so blessed to have so many "Prayer Warriors" of mine help me through a most difficult time and I took great comfort in knowing how really "powerful" prayer can be...I was also so deeply touched to receive a wonderful, encouraging Hallmark (I couldn't help but notice) card from a newly treasured dear friend of mine, "Sis2" who was praying for me, as well.

The waiting period for the results seemed like forever as I attempted to keep myself busy. A two week wait seemed unreasonable and agonizing, so I frantically called a week later. A very caring and compassionate nurse said "not to lose any sleep tonight" (which I took as a hint) and instructed me to call back the next day for results from the doctor....The next morning I dropped to my knees and repeatedly thanked my Almighty, Heavenly Father for the words I heard were, BENIGN... I also prayed a special prayer of gratitude for all of my "Prayer Warrior Sisters."

Although my life had been spared for that moment and please don't get me wrong, I am eternally grateful but I still felt such a heaviness weighing on my heart that I couldn't explain. It has taken a week to finally come to grips with what was bothering me. Why was I spared and my little brother, Kevin was not? Why was his cancer so horrific and hideous that I still struggle with haunting flashbacks of his suffering? Why were my prayers answered and all of the frantic, hysterical prayers to spare my brother's life were not answered? I am feeling guilty that I am living and he is NOT....His suffering was completely off-the-scale....The doctor at UCSF completely removed my little brother's entire tongue in a grueling, 14 1/2 hour surgery...He no longer had the ability to swallow, talk, eat or sleep in a horizontal position. Everything that we take for granted was stripped away from him....He sat in a recliner and suctioned his mouth and trach 24/7 for three agonizing months....

I used to give him a back/neck massage to relieve some of the gripping pain he was enduring and one day I just fell to my knees and wailed in front of him, like you see women do in the Middle East....I felt so incredibly helpless. He was dying and he had to literally pick me up off the floor to comfort me. The doctor took all of his lymph nodes out and there was no place for the fluid to go...so his entire face started to swell, and swell, and swell until his beautiful face was unrecognizable. He finally relented and my father and I admitted him into the hospital for the final time. Hospice took over...I was in his hospital room with him on Easter Sunday.. March 27, 2005, on his son's 18th birthday when he passed away at the age of 45...My mother just passed 15 days before him... I watched two of my loved ones dying at the same time.... There is not a day that goes by when I don't think of them. I sometimes wish that I did not love them so deeply and miss them terribly, as if the pain would be less. But I deeply love and I deeply miss both of them.

As I continue to struggle with their untimely tragic deaths, I pray that someday I might find some "Peace" regarding the unbearable suffering that they endured and I overwhelmingly witnessed... I have had all of the counseling you can imagine but sometimes it is "triggers" such as my biopsy that bring me back to haunting memories and "survivors guilt." I pray for more faith and more trust in the Lord who knows all of the "why's"... And I deeply pray that I finally accept that all will be revealed to me someday in God's time.

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit (Psalms 34:18)

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; acknowledge HIM in all your ways and HE will direct your paths (Proverbs 3:5-6)

Inherited from You

We all think about our fathers on Father’s Day. Who can avoid the media bombardment? But I have a constant reminder of my Father, even though he’s been gone for 6 years, and that reminder is --myself. Yes, I’m so like my dad that the little things I do throughout the day is a constant reminder that the “Nut Doesn’t Fall Far from the Tree”. I purposely use the word nut, for it accurately describes my dad! He was the funniest man I knew. His quick wit made me laugh, my friends and all that knew him. And even more importantly, his humor covered a multitude of sins, but that is a subject for another Blog.

Even the last day I saw him on this earth, humor did not escape him. As he lay there in the hospital bed, dying from Kidney Cancer, I called my oldest son, his favorite grandchild. My son talked to him on the phone knowing it might be his last conversation with his grandpa. After I hung up the phone for my dad, I apologized for my son that he wouldn’t be able to visit his grandpa. My dad said matter-of-factly, “Oh, that’s alright, I won’t remember it”. At his funeral on April 21, 2005, I wrote an account of the characteristics that we have in common and read it to honor him.

Inherited from you dad…

-When I find myself unable to pass a clearance rack and shop at a consignment store, …I’ll think about my dad

-When I reuse a paper towel…I’ll think about my dad

Friendship is "Priceless" in Any State

When I was laid off from my position last August, I never realized the huge impact it would have on me since I had been working most of my adult life. I thought that I would absolutely be loving the fact that I no longer had to set my alarm clock and fight the miserable, gridlocked traffic of a daily commute. I have to admit that the first two weeks were pretty blissful but by the third week, boredom was starting to settle in. I never even toyed with the idea of what I might possibly be doing if I were not employed anymore, other than look for more work. The one thing I discovered was that I truly missed interacting with other people since I am and always have been a "people person." Barbra Streisand phrased it so perfectly in her song, "People, people who need people, are the luckiest people in the world."

My biggest issue since I moved to Texas back in 1998 was: I really had no people. Sure, I have my wonderful daughter, son-in-love and grandchildren. My youngest son is also in Texas with my two youngest grandsons but I had no people of my own to call, friends. I'm partly to blame for this dilemma because I never felt like Texas was my home and that all of my best friends were back in California. I wasn't giving Texas a chance and I was really suffering because of this mindset.

So sitting alone day after day got to be extremely, unbearably lonely and I slowly started to become somewhat of a paralyzed recluse which frightened me to no end. I did not want to be a recluse for I am a "people person." Our Heavenly Father never meant for us to be alone either. So after many months of being alone, I decided that I was going to go over and introduce myself to my neighbor across the street who was also, alone.

In the 10 years that I have lived in my house, I only knew my neighbor to the left of me and we seldom spoke other than a simple, hello. This was a defining moment for me as I nervously approached my neighbor across the street who was out doing yard work. As I introduced myself she extended her hand and said her name was, Gabrielle. She is most definitely, without a shadow of a doubt, a most delightful "angel." And I absolutely had no idea that she was saying to herself as she was winding up her garden hose, "Today is the day"...that she was going to approach me, as well. I know and felt in my heart that it was a God thing that brought us together. She has been all alone in her house for over a year and a half and we immediately shared a common ground. She had left her family and friends in Oklahoma and felt like she was in a foreign land just exactly how I felt when I made my move to Texas.

I had her over a few days ago and we spent the whole afternoon getting to know one another, laughing and talking like there was no tomorrow. We drank tea, I made lunch, we exchanged numbers and did a little shopping. It was a wonderful day and we are planning more wonderful days ahead. We are planning to attend Bible Study and church together along with added social functions. Friendship is priceless no matter where you live. God is so AWESOME and GOOD!! My Almighty Father opened my eyes so that I could feel acceptance and love in any state!
-Little Sis Kathi

"It Was Refreshing"

Sometimes it all comes together...the Sun, Moon, and God's Will, and more often than not, without our effort. It was one of those times a couple of weeks ago when my teenage granddaughter called me and said "I really want to visit you". There was a sense of urgency in her voice and because I follow her on Facebook, I had an idea it was about a recent breakup between her and her boyfriend.

When I picked her up, my intuition was correct, she had broken up with her boyfriend. She has been wearing a purity ring for about a year and when she came to the conclusion that he didn't have pure intentions, she took a stand and broke it off with him. I was so proud of her, but her tender heart was still hurting for as she told me of her decision her eyes filled with tears.

Mother's Day was around the corner and my daughter-in-law and I were making plans for the special day. I discovered that she was attending a special woman's event the Saturday before Mother's Day at her church that was geared for young women. She suggested that maybe I could bring my granddaughter. Although I thought it was a wonderful idea, I found myself struggling with the idea of driving for over an hour to the church and back, taking my granddaughter home that evening and then I would have to drive back home again. It would be a lot of driving...and would she even like the seminar? Mother's Day I had another event and even more driving. I really balked at all the effort I would have to make, but in the morning my granddaughter was still interested in going, so off we went.

My Mother is an "Angel"

As Mother's Day approaches, I am reminiscing and missing my precious, wonderful mother "Francesca Rose" who went to be with the Lord over 6 years ago on March 12, 2005. For reasons unknown, she named all six of her children with names that began with a "K". When she called for one of us, she would sometimes just stammer with that letter and even make up some new names for us that began with the letter, "K". She was such a unique character who was so out-going, fun and she never met a stranger. It did not matter where we were, she would strike up a conversation with someone and tell them her entire family history. I used to get very embarrassed every time she would introduce herself because I knew what was going to transpire. She was such a people person and my father was the complete opposite. As a child, I vividly remember our camping trips with our huge family. My father would want to find the most secluded area to set up camp but my mother would always manage to meet new people and invite them over to socialize which would drive my father absolutely over the edge.

We always looked forward to our holidays and family get togethers because she so loved to entertain. She also enjoyed cooking and being the center of attention. She had a language all of her own that would make us laugh until our sides ached. She was the life of the party and the glue that held our family together. She was not demonstrative with her affection but we all knew that she loved us, unconditionally. And she taught us by example, how to love unconditionally. She truly deserved the highest medal of honor for her bravery with the challenges of raising six children.

As we became adults, we actually taught her how to say "I love you" and we would hug her until she pulled away. She was raised during the "Great Depression" without that kind of affection, verbally and physically but she grew to use those tools we taught her until the end of her life. I enjoyed the special times that I shared with my mother and many times we would just hold hands and laugh ourselves silly. I loved to hear her infectious laughter. Even at my age, I desperately miss so many wonderful things about her. Her voice, her touch, her smell, her laughter and especially her love. Thank you, Mother, for a lifetime of treasured memories. Happy Mother's Day, "Frannie"..... I love and miss you so very much. Rest in most Perfect Peace until we are reunited again!!!

"Easter In A New Light"

Yesterday we celebrated Easter Sunday and I have so many different, ambiguous feelings erupting in my heart. I was so elated to hear that my oldest son who is a Pastor in California was portraying Jesus in their Easter production of "The Messiah." What mother would not be bursting with pride to say that her son could walk on water? Or at the very least, do tricks on water with an air-chair behind a boat in which I have witnessed on several occasions. I am so thankful and blessed that Mom#2, Carolynne, was there to experience this awesome and powerful performance. She was responsible for sending us the first live, on stage pictures which made us feel like we were there. We love her Christian heart and soul!!

I was also equally elated when my youngest son announced that he was going to church with the family which was another miracle in itself since he had been through so many trials in the past 5 years and was too depressed to go anywhere....And what an extraordinary, happy and blessed day we all shared. I could sense that God's work and presence was evident in the hearts of both sons.

I was joyfully rejoicing this morning while listening to "How Great Thou Art" that Big Sis posted on Facebook (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7eiEaK4GXtw&feature=share) when it dawned on me that my little brother, Kevin died on Easter Sunday, 6 years ago and I was moved beyond words. My heart that was feeling so much joy just a short while ago was starting to feel extremely heavy again with a sadness and loss of such a wonderful, fun-loving brother that I loved and adored so much. Kevin's end of life was tragic and horrific. He was taken from us way too soon and then it hit me like a huge bolt of lightning. So was our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ's life tragically and horrifically taken as well, to save us from our sins. For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that who ever believes in him, shall not perish but have eternal life (John 3:16). And after reciting that Scripture repeatedly, I'm feeling a strong sense of reassurance and peace instead of anguish and pain. I will continue to pray for wisdom and revelation to remember Easter in a new light, next year.... Little Sis

God is Bigger Than the Boogie Man!

"Grandma, leave the light on, I’m scared!" It wasn’t the first time Gavin had asked me to leave the hall light on while he was staying at my house in what I refer to as the “grandkids room”. Full of cars, dolls, tea sets, and a trundle bed, I thought I had provided everything to make this 3 year old comfortable. I asked him if he would like me to read to him, I thought it might help soothe his little heart. I rummaged through the bookshelf and found “God is Bigger than the Boogey Man” a really cute Veggie Tales story. I read it through it and smiles replaced his tears. In the middle of the story, the book's character Junior remembers a song that helped him when he was afraid so he sings it::

“Cuz God is Bigger than the Boogie Man!

He’s Bigger than Godzilla,

Or the monsters on TV!

Oh, God is Bigger than the Boogie Man!

And He’s Watchin Out for You and Me!

After I sang the song in the book and finished reading the rest of the story, I left the light on and it wasn’t long before Gavin was fast asleep.

A couple of weeks ago, I found my heart filled with fear. Earthquakes, Tsunamis, Nuclear Meltdown, Radiation Threats…does it get any scarier than that? I was overwhelmed with the destruction and the pain of others. The news of the situation was constant and there didn’t seem to be any relief or solution. Threats of the huge nuclear reactor melting down grabbed the airwaves and spurting deadly radiation into the atmosphere and the situation remains serious to this day.

As my heart was stirring with fear, a tune came to my mind and I started singing it to myself, “God is Bigger than the Boggey Man...”. I then pictured in my mind the ominous nuclear reactor that I had seen on TV that no man couldn’t control, like a huge Boogie Man….but God was greater!

“Cuz God is Bigger than the Boogie Man!

He’s Bigger than Godzilla,

Or the monsters on TV!

Oh, God is Bigger than the Boogie Man!

And He’s Watchin Out for You and Me!

A smile came over me, peace in my heart replaced anxiety, and sweet sleep brought me to the next day. What Boogie Man is in your life right now?...sing along with me.

Shall We Dance?

To Tara and Bubba-

Some time ago, my husband and I suddenly lost an elderly friend who had been married for over 50 years. It started us thinking about what our life would be like without each other. We had some heartfelt discussions as we expressed how difficult our life would be without each other and what a lonely road we would have to travel.

I thought about all the many memories we have together that only he and I have experienced. And if I were alone, there would be no one to reminisce those unique memories.

It wasn't long after that heartfelt discussion that I saw a movie which contained a scene which exactly expressed my thoughts. The scene is from the movie “Shall We Dance” with Richard Gere and Susan Sarandon. The scene shows the character Beverly Clark, played by Susan Sarandon, is asked why she thinks people get married. Her answer brings a new awareness of the meaning it is to have a life partner.

"Why do people get married?

...because we need a witness to our lives. There’s a billion people on the planet you know. What does any one life really mean?

But in a marriage—you are promising to care about EVERYTHING-

The good things

The bad things

The terrible things

The mundane things

…All of it

All the time…everyday. You are saying, your life will not go un-noticed, because I will notice it.  Your life will not go unwitnessed—because I WILL BE YOUR WITNESS”.

Love is A Verb

February 27, 1965

It has been many years since I walked down the aisle with my husband, in fact, we just celebrated our 46 year anniversary! How do you assess all those years in a few words?...an impossible task!

We realize we are a rarity in this day and age and we often feel the pressure to be an example to younger couples. Last year we went to a Couples Retreat and spent the weekend with all younger couples. Even the Retreat's Speaker asked us "why are you here"? He assumed that we must hold the secret for an enduring marriage and that we didn't need any further instruction. A few couples at the Couple's Retreat approached us and asked us our "secret", I wish I had been more prepared with an answer.

But since last year, I've been doing some deeper thinking on how I would answer these young couples. God's Grace has been the cement that has held us together, many times when we wanted to pull apart. His Grace is expressed as we are learning to use Love as a Verb. Below is a wonderful portion of a devotional I read from Jill Savage's Online Devotional, "Love is a Verb". If I could share the secret of the endurance of  marriage, and for that matter, any relationship, I would share it with Jill's words below.

Immature love is a noun. A thing we long for. A feeling. An expectation of what someone will do for us.
Mature love is verb. An action we take. A decision. A choice to do something for someone else.

• Love as a noun feels despair when you no longer feel “in love” with the person you are married to. Love as a verb understands the ebb and flow of feelings. It focuses more on expressing love than feeling love.
• Love as a noun demands its own way. Love as a verb works to understand differences and is open to new ways of doing things.
• Love as a noun finds faults in others. Love as a verb gives grace and forgiveness.
• Love as a noun expects others to serve them. Love as a verb serves freely.
• Love as a noun expects to always feel warm and fuzzy and “in love.” Love as a verb realizes that often we have to choose to love even when we don’t feel like it.

http://jillsavage.com/

Avalon-Orphans of God

This amazing, powerful song was played before my Celebrate Recovery class last Monday...It spoke volumes to me....I felt the Lord's loving arms enfold me with such comfort. I hope and pray that this song will comfort anyone who is in need of being comforted...God is the Great Comforter!

Celebrate Recovery - 30 Days

Big Sis, last night I attended my 4th week of Celebrate Recovery and received my 30 day Recovery Chip for attendance. The weather out here in Texas had turned bitterly cold and I had almost talked myself out of going to the meeting like I always do every Monday night but 15 minutes before the class started, I was on my way there. My biggest struggle is with depression, anxiety and fear due to multiple losses so I really have to push myself and just go and do it afraid... As the meeting began with prayer, we were treated to live music this time. I could really sense the presence of God there as we all sang praise and surrender songs to the Lord to help us heal. If I had stayed home I would have greatly missed an opportunity to witness yet another moving, inspirational testimony of brokenness which led to victory by one of the leaders who gave her testimony back in 2008. She felt compelled to tell her story again which gave all the newcomers a real sense of hope. As she courageously and bravely bore her soul, there was not a dry eye in the audience. She ended her testimony by saying that she will always be a work in progress and expressed how truly blessed she is to be loved and accepted by her Celebrate Recovery family.

We were then dismissed and asked to attend our individual meetings. I am in a group called Hurts, Hang-ups and Habits. We are seated in a circular formation and we first begin with prayer. We introduce ourselves, express that we are Great Believers in Jesus Christ and then briefly state why we are there. We go around the room again, one by one to discuss what we are feeling. Some of the women had victories to share. Others discussed how there week had been going.

MY LOVING TRIBUTE TO: "BULAH FAYE VAIL"

Big Sis, it's so very difficult for me to comprehend that it has been six months already since Ms. Bulah Faye Vail has gone to be with the Lord. I am posting my loving tribute in her memory, as I was unable to attend her service in California. Rest in Perfect Peace, Bulah Faye! She will forever be loved and missed by us all.....Little Sis

MY LOVING TRIBUTE TO:
"BULAH FAYE VAIL"

1/25/28 - 7/29/10

Bulah Faye Vail was so much more to me than my best friend, Deborah's mother. She was my dear friend as well and we shared a very special bond that lasted for over 38 years. Our lives were entertwined and a part of an extraordinary, extended family.

Bulah Faye had a wonderful "Southern" charm about her and a very quick wit to match that would keep us all in stitches for hours. Bulah Faye had no problem telling it like it was...she was a cross between Erma Bombeck and later on she developed into "Maxine" with some of her most popular sarcasms. I find myself still using some of her slang words like "Shoot Fuzzies" or "Spittin' Nails." She absolutely loved her husband John (who passed away way too young) about 37 years ago. She never dated or remarried because he was her "one and only" True Love.

Bulah Faye was a strong-minded, strong-willed woman whom I admired immensely. She lovingly adored her children, Deborah and Michael and was a strong influential "Matriarch" for her family and grandchildren - Stevie, Brandi, Lisa, Brian, Michael and great grandchildren, Melanie, Tiffany and the great grandsons. She truly loved her family and all of her friends.

She was very well read and she had quite the knack for decorating in romantic, vintage style. She was meticulous and one of the most organized person I have ever met in my life. Everything had a place and was well kept with "perfection." She orchestrated her life down to the last minute. She was indistinctively, down-right uniquely, AMAZING!!!

She loved and lived life to the fullest and made wonderful lasting memories to treasure with her family and my best friend, Deborah, who was her Mom's best friend as well.

Bulah never missed sending me a special Christmas card every year and quite lovingly sent me Sympathy cards with Obituaries when I lost my beloved Mother and Brother in March of 2005. She was kind, loving and extremely compassionate. Just recently I received a treasured "gift" from her. One of her vintage "handkerchiefs" from her collection. I will forever cherish it as a token of her love for me.

Although we feel the deep sense of loss and grief for her passing; we can also search our hearts to find peace and comfort knowing that Bulah Faye Vail has finally claimed her "Southern" mansion with the Lord. She is being embraced in his Almighty, Loving Arms along with her beloved husband - John, her beloved mother - Granny Vance and all of her loved ones that have gone before her.

May the Almighty Lord continue to provide Deborah, John and entire family members and friends the strength they need to get through this most difficult time and know that as we continue on our life's journey; we will all be reunited together in Heaven, "One Fine Day!"

I will love and miss you always, Bulah Faye Vail; and I know I have said this to you a million times but a very special thanks to Almighty God for blessing us with "YOU" and a very special thanks to you for blessing me with your beautiful daughter; my Deborah, my "one and only" TRUE LOVE of 38 years!!!

Rest in Peace my Dearest Friend, until we meet again....Always, always,
Kathi

My Egg Friend

Impacting another person’s life is often a secret we may never know. But when we do find out that we have touched someone, there is a joy that is hard to put into words. Recently, I contacted a Facebook friend about this Blog. In her response she added, “you have a very special place in my heart since you are the one who initiated my knowledge and relationship with our Father.” I was total shock with these words, for I never knew she considered me in this way. That particularly gray and gloomy day suddenly became bright. It also brought to mind my “Egg Friend”.

My "Celebrate Recovery" Journey-First Step

Big Sis, I know that you are aware that I have been recently laid off and unemployed for the past 4 months. I am not regimentally getting up at 5:00 a.m. anymore so that I can get all "stressed out" rushing to fight the traffic for an hour commute. I also do not have to put up with all of the irate "crazies" at the last place of my employment in the high-stressed position that I held for the past 3 years. I really should be doing a "Happy Dance" about all of this wonderful new freedom that has been bestowed upon me due to "budget cuts" but don't get me wrong, although I do enjoy the schedule of "not having a schedule" to maintain for the time being to catch my breath, I completely feel like a "fish out of water." A job certainly should never define who you are but when you are working you feel "purposeful" and "useful."

My Prayer Thoughts

Lorraine, thank you for sharing your "beautiful" and "inspiring" prayer that you wrote....words to encourage us for God's strength, purpose, grace and trust.

As you already know, I was born and raised in a very strict, disciplined Catholic home. Our prayers were always very repetitious such as praying the Rosary which consisted of "The Lord's Prayer", "Hail Mary's" and "Glory Be's." Although during that period of my life, I believed that I was praying but I never actually felt anything stirring inside me. I never felt a close connection with the Lord by repeating the same prayers over and over. Also, my dear Mother (God rest her soul) had taught us to pray to the "Saints" when in need. For example, if you lost something, you would pray to Saint Jude to help find that something. There were thousands of "Saints" for thousands of requests. I remember questioning; why not just ask "God" for some assistance?

To me, Catholicism is sacred, ritualistic and symbolistic. Engraved in my heart, I carry a deep sense of "roots" that I will always cherish but I have enriched my spiritual life by becoming a "Christian." And yes, I also do believe that Catholics are Christians, as well. My intention is not to offend anyone and their belief system but I was and I am still in awe of the prayers that come from one's heart. They are meaningful, sincere, encouraging, inspirational and they stir something inside me to bring me into a deeper relationship with the Lord.

When I first read Bonnie T. Barry's prayer for Grace, I was genuinely moved by her prayer. Both you and I have learned that we are "enlightened" and "encouraged" by prayers that are meaningful, whether or not they are written or coming from the heart. I am still learning how to be comfortable saying a prayer from the heart "aloud" after being conditioned to say repetitive prayers for the majority of my life. I do find myself praying and talking to God throughout the entire day which is a remarkable discovery because I really do believe in the "Power of Prayer." I know that I need the Lord and his assistance, 24/7 and praying is a continual lifeline that gets me through the day. As I may struggle to pray "aloud" at times, I am also encouraged that maybe one day I might sit in reverent silence, reflect and compose a prayer from my heart. Thank you again my Big Sis!

Good Baptists Never Read Prayers

I understand what you are saying Kathi about God teaching you new lessons; I just learned something significant last week. Remember the prayer: “Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord the soul to keep, If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take”? This was the first prayer I ever learned. Isn’t this a strange prayer for a 5 year old to recite before a restful night's sleep? I don’t know its source, but when I Googled it I found out that the first printed edition was in Boston in 1737.

Since that childhood time, I’ve learned to pray, always from my heart, spontaneously, and always stamping it at the end “In Jesus Name”. This is how all good Baptists learn to pray. In my later years, when I saw on television a significant event where a prominent Pastor or Priest was invited to give the benediction, I smugly reacted to them as I saw them read their prayers, “not very spiritual,” I judged.

Two months ago I started attending a new church near our home. I was so impressed with the superb, thoughtful prayers from our new pastor. One Sunday, I peaked up as he prayed and noticed he was reading it! How could this be from such a spiritual shepherd? Later that week, I was browsing the web and I came upon the most inspiring Blog by Bonnie T. Barry.  I looked at a prayer she had written, it was incredible and my prejudices of written prayers finally dissolved. It was so great I shared it with you and we both agreed that this was a prayer that we could say daily. The name of it is “Give me Grace”, http://www.redbubble.com/people/miracles.

Since that time I’ve purposed that thoughtful writing and reading of prayers is a wonderful spiritual exercise. Below is my first attempt and I hope not my last.

"Good Morning Lord, This is the day you have made, let me rejoice and be glad in it! Today, nothing will come my way that you haven't already given Your approval of and will give me Your Strength to live in freedom. Each event today will have a greater purpose that will either show me more about myself or more about You. I ask for Grace Father, to trust you more, as you grow me to be more like Jesus and that may I yeild to that purpose. I ask for your Wisdom for each decision I will have to make today. May I desire to Love and serve you more today than I did yesterday. Amen"

Eyelids vs Heart

I have never really thought of myself as being a particularly "vain" person but as the aging process seems to be in "full force"...I'm struggling with a few serious issues, at least from my perspective. It's bad enough that I'm trying to adjust to my hairline that is receding rapidly and that my eyebrows are so sparse they are barely visible because they have relocated to my chin area. My most recent issue that is severely tormenting me is my "droopy eyelids." They feel so incredibly heavy that I have to struggle to keep my eyes open. Being on a fixed income I knew that I could not afford cosmetic surgery so I got online and Googled "droopy eyelids" and was totally amazed that I found a website that sold "Eye Magic." A miracle product that you applied with no surgery involved. I took a quiet moment and in silence I thanked my most awesome "God" for directing me to this website. I waited very impatiently for the next three days until this small envelope containing a miracle, self-adhesive "fix" for my shattered "self-esteem" to arrive in the mail. The elation that I felt when I saw the "Eye Magic" label was indescribable.

I took my prized package quickly into the bathroom and scanned the instructions. This looked like a "piece of cake" to apply...They are actually little moon-shaped strips that you apply a small amount of adhesive to and then gently place in the crease of your eyelid. The very first try, I had it secured onto one eyelid and my reaction was...This is going to be "phenomenally great!" I actually did pretty well the next few days applying them. They were holding up what seemed like tons of excess weight. Even though deep down I secretly sensed that I really needed to have these eyes "circumcised" but these miracle strips were going to do the job for now and I was going to feel a whole lot better about myself and this aging thing.

It was the fourth day of the application when I got a rude awakening. I tried to apply the left strip and something just went terribly awry. The more I tried to properly apply and re-apply the strips, I slowly started to feel a sudden rush of "panic." I looked into the mirror each time I rearranged the strip and each time I looked more and more like and aged old "shar pei".. I tried every which way to adjust and re-adjust but the results were coming up the same. After wasting close to an hour, I felt completely defeated but I knew I had to go grocery shopping. I somehow managed to apply the "eye magic" strips but knew I could not use any type of eye contact with anyone because they would be able to see through my glasses and know that I was a "total and complete fake". It was so obvious that they were on crooked. Who was I trying to fool? Myself, I guess....

I learned a valuable lesson that day. I cried and sobbed all the way home plus I cried myself to sleep. Although I grieved for the "youth" that I lost and longed for, I knew that my Lord and my Savior still loved me and will continue to love me just the way I am, "droopy eyelids" and all. He created me and has a "perfect plan" just for me. I must always remember that "HE" is looking at my "heart" and not my "eyelids."

P.S. When I shared this experience with my wonderful, loving and compassionate daughter, she invited me over for lunch and told me to bring the "Eye Magic" strips with me... She gently and tenderly showed me that I was trying to apply them too high above the eye crease and when she applied them lower, right above my eyeliner....Thank you, "Jesus"...a small miracle had taken place that morning and I was back in the business of trying to grow old gracefully!

New Beginnings

OK...........it's begun Little Sis! We're just in the creative stage, and it all has to be approved by you. See what you think of the title of the Blog and description of it. I thought it should look like fun would happen here...my thoughts are to Inspire, Relate, and LAUGH!  If we keep these thoughts in mind, whatever we write will be worthwhile.  Hey, maybe I should put those on the site...?? Yes, I just did.

I just added my bio. How do we summarize ourselves in 25 words or less? Good luck! We can't forget to share how we met, that'll bring some smiles for sure.

Think about your favorite books and internet sites. We can add those. Also, I have a friend who is going to Malawi, Africa as a Missionary in a few month. I thought it would be great to add his link to our blog. Also, if you decide to go to Celebrate Recovery we can add information about that ministry. The ideas are beginning to roll.